week 7, tuesday

[socloverit]

[iiiiit's Tuesday. Clover has surmounted Monday and gotten some actual sleep and isn't covered in alien blood anymore and..."functional" is definitely not the word we'd ever use to describe her so "more functional" isn't a comparison we're going to use, either, but the point is she actually, on more than one occasion, darts out of all the hiding places she's eking out up and down the ship and risks the prospect of people trying to interact with her, because she's on a mission.

And so she's poking her head out from around the corner of an empty hallway when she notices Judar passing by, because he is the one person she actually wants to talk to, what the fuck.]

Hey, Judar?

[this is the first time this weekend i've used an icon that isn't one of like five sad or anxious ones or the screaming one which is a miracle in and of itself]

Comments

[douchemag]

[While he's not the kind of guy who'd do anything like check on Clover, because hahaha what is basic sympathy, they did share a Moment last week so he'll give her a friendly smile.]

Oh hey! Haven't seen you around much recently. What's up?

[lol sorry were you expecting anything like 'are you okay' or 'how are you doing' because hell no. Honestly, noticing she wasn't around is already the height of decency for him.]

[socloverit]

[good because those are stupid questions and she doesn't want to hear them from anyone, like how the fuck do you guys think she's doing why is that a question people keep asking. judar shouldn't win points by being a shit person what the fuck

even though she's definitely giving him a look because of course he hasn't seen her around much recently, what'd you expect]

Uh. Nothing. [which. is true.] Well, um. I wanted to thank you, actually. 'cause, like, I couldn't have... [HAND WAVING] ...done that [slaughtered a fucking demon alien, did she really do that, did that really happen] without your help.

...So thanks.

[ew, emotions]

[douchemag]

[trufact he made his two only friends by being a shit person while everyone else felt bad for them and now he's making a third!! why does this keep happening

but he actually looks a little startled by this because he's actually self-aware enough to know that helping Murder Babysit someone and promising them Murder Revenge probably isn't a morally great thing to do??? so getting thanked for it is definitely unexpected.]

Uh. Don't mention it? [how do you deal with gratitude what the fuck] Seriously, any time. [anytime you want to MURDER AGAIN how is he so bad at this]

[socloverit]

["Anytime" totally isn't the right response and she's got this look on her face like she probably knows that, and even so:] Yeah, noted.

[this isn't even kind of a conversation that should be happening? "hey thanks for being totally ready to help me revenge murder whoever, just, like, in general, it's appreciated" isn't a thing that people say. and yet.

but she's also aware that this isn't a conversation that should be happening and that it's already not going well, it's only going to get worse.] Aaaanyway. [MOVING ON] I really owe you, so, like, lemme know if I can help out, I guess? I'm valued this week and all, sooo...

[douchemag]

No, it's--

[He rubs the back of his neck, actually looking awkward for once. Is this what altruism feels like? Because it's horrible. Still, even the very little about himself he told Clover during the trial is actually a lot more he ever planned on revealing to anyone, so he manages to forge on without resorting to being a total shit.]

I mean, I'll keep it in mind, but I didn't help you so you'd owe me. [Though he's definitely going to remember her offer Clover may have just made a Mistake] Like I said, I get it. You deserved to get revenge, no matter what anyone else here might think.

[Then he grins.] Besides, seeing you take down that ugly piece of shit with a giant axe? Pretty damn rewarding right there.

[socloverit]

[she's definitely just made a mistake but once you're stuck with Clover you're stuck with her forever and ever so so has Judar.]

Yeah, well. I mean. [She fidgets, shrugs.] I guess everyone was glad to see the alien go. But I don't think anyone else—you know, got it. Or thought so. I didn't think anyone would. So it...meant a lot. [Vengeance is the closest to closure she'll ever get, isn't it?

And she definitely isn't quiiite ready for smiling again yet, but this is the least miserable she's looked since Friday.] It definitely felt really cool.

[douchemag]

[Honestly same goes for him, it's hard getting him stuck to you but once he is he is loyal forever and ever so this is nothing but a disaster happening]

Alien, demon, human, it doesn't matter. Even if she was nothing but human, someone fucks with you that bad...[He trails off. Not that he's at all conflicted about what he'd say next, but it's not like he has to when they both clearly understand.]

I've seen some pretty badass fights in my time, so you can trust me when I say it looked awesome. [He raises an eyebrow.] Made you feel better at all?

[There's no judgment or pity in his tone, just genuine curiosity. He's heard the whole schpeel about revenge only making things worse and cycles of hatred yada yada, but he's never actually believed it. It might not bring him peace, but he's damn sure he's not about to feel any worse over it - so he wants to know if it's the same for Clover.]

[socloverit]

[why did we let this happen goddamn it, this whole ship is doomed

But she nods, because of course she understands where he'd be going with that—but no one else, she thinks, would have been quite so eager for Clover to get her revenge if it didn't involve taking down a killer alien.

She allows herself a moment to think the question over, knowing it's a sincere question that deserves a sincere answer. Not entirely helpfully, she decides on:] I think so. [And she adds, still quiet but firm, more assured:] I would have felt worse if I hadn't.

[douchemag]

[He relaxes a little at her answer, his smile even getting a touch more genuine.] Good. I'm glad. [For mostly selfish reasons, since it justifies his own fucked-up view of the world...but there's a strange, twisted sort of empathy there too, the only kind he really knows how to feel.]

So what do you think you'll do now? [Again, nothing but curiosity, but his tone goes more serious. Your revenge accomplished but your life still a smoking wreck...where do you move on from there? He honestly doesn't know. He doesn't really think Clover knows either, and certainly not this soon, but the question still begs asking.]

[socloverit]

[It's a stupid question, and if anyone else had asked it she might get mad if she even had the energy in her for it—but it's a sincere question from someone who gets it, and he'd deserve an answer if she had one to give him.]

I don't know. [Of course she doesn't, not without any idea what being here is even supposed to lead to. There's nothing waiting for her at home, either; she's nothing to the SOIS, or even to Alice, she's sure, as only one half of an esper pair. There's nothing waiting for her anymore. She has nothing to go back to.

She sniffs, folds her arms, and looks away from him.] First I survive this. He'd want that. [She's quiet, the threat of tears straining against her voice.] But I—I don't know.

[douchemag]

[It's the answer he was more or less expecting. He doesn't know what to do with the tears, so he ignores them. Instead, he'll actually land on the ground next to her, his feet touching the floor for once so they're on a level eye line.]

Look, I know you don't want any advice right now - but honestly? As far as I see it, just surviving's not good enough.

[His eyes flicker to hers, his expression taking on that unusually serious cast again.] You killed the one who took out your brother, but there's more of those demon shitheads out there. And more than that - none of us would even be here, none of this would have even happened, if it wasn't for Alice and whoever's pulling her strings.

You really gonna be satisfied with just living through this? With just accepting whatever plan she has for you?